I never went into a long distance relationship excited. The feeling of not seeing my boyfriend for months on end triggered a new form of my already problematic depression. Immediately I felt anxious of all of the beautiful people that existed and the possibility that they could make him laugh more than I could and I wouldn’t be able to see it. Sometimes, even after 3 years, I still feel that way but that’s alright.
When we started dating in February of 2016 I never imagined I’d be placed into this situation. Just as I was about to graduate high school I learned that he was accepted into one of the most prestigious Universities for Law and I was ecstatic for him, for us even. Then it began happening. The crushing feeling of him being 3500 miles away for a majority of the year. I watched in school as couples began to break up. Their was a week that I witnessed 5 breakups. For a good reason, I was terrified. Why would a guy that I’d been dating for only a couple months want to be tied down to someone so far away? I felt like a goner.
At the end of his first year of Uni I hit my lowest. Depression suffocated any feeling of joy or accomplishment and I didn’t see an end until I got a call. This is when I realized how a second can change your life. He called me and said he bought a ticket for me to fly out to see him a week from then. With no passport I went into hysterics. At this point I couldn’t fly without having at least one panic attack at departures, one on the plane and one at customs and that’s even on family trips.
Upon landing I went straight for coffee. An espresso shot probably wasn’t the best before customs because I looked like a crazy person, shaking and whatnot. Then knowing I looked insane proceeded to freak out until I was in the farthest corner of a bathroom sobbing. Don’t worry. I recovered then customs asked me weird questions for 20 minutes. I guess a tiny 5 foot 4 blonde girl looks pretty darn suspicious hyperventilating in a corner. I cried again after that.
Now this isn’t just to tell you about my horrible mental state. Yet please remember this is still Anxious & Hungry not Mentally Stable & Hungry. This is to show you that love can make you do some pretty amazing things. As mundane and simple as taking a flight may seem to most people I found a way to ignore it all and focus on the now. I found myself doing things I was telling myself I wasn’t able to do. And even better, these things have now become the norm! I’ve gotten on flights and started living my life. I’ve noticed something that was once such an alien experience now seems so much more like home to me. Finally.
So that’s just a little taste of how I feel about my long distance relationship so don’t forget to follow me here and on all of my socials down below for more fun sob stories and maybe some pretty photos.
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Talk to y’all soon!
~Tay
Anxious & Hungry 